i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
