Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
