Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
