I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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