I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
