4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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