No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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