If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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