apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
