I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
