Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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