If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
