JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
