i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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