I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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