she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
