What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
