Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
