every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
