just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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