we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize