I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
PANTIES FOUND
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
