That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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