you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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