I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i now understand why vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
