In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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