So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
whose parrot is this?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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