Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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