Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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