I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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