The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
