Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
