2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
