Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize