Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
