i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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