My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize