if you like me you must not know who I am
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
