Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
