i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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