First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
