but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
