My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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