The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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