I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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