is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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