That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize