He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
