someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
