if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize