Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
