I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize