he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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