I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
