I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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