My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
