make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
