unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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