do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
