i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
