$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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