you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
