The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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