So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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