how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
