He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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