He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i have two assholes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
