If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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