yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
