So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
