Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
